Late in the afternoon on Christmas Day my daughter found me spacing out in bed. I had retired there to binge watch The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and play puzzle games on my phone. I had retreated as a form of self-regulation. I was having all the complicated feelings I have on Christmas. Feelings of being seen and loved. Feelings of being inadequate and overwhelmed. Feelings. Lots and lots of them.
As she climbed up on the bed and settled next to me she said, “Christmas was a year ago. Think of everything you have accomplished since last Christmas.” Eleven-year-old mini-me was giving me a taste of my own medicine. Just the notion of taking stock of my accomplishments overwhelmed me further. “Wow. Yeah… Do you want go for a walk?” was all I could muster in reply. She happily accepted. We strolled down Fifth Avenue toward Washington Square Park and stopped for coffee and cocoa at The Marlton Hotel.
We talked about summer plans. We talked about Valentine’s Day plans. We kept talking about the future. Then I took a deep breath and said, “You know, you broke my brain when you suggested I think about all that I have accomplished in the last year.”
Last week I suggested we all think about of our three most profound memories from the year. It felt safe yet important. Three memories was manageable. But all the accomplishments! Well that just feels… what..? Too greedy? Too braggy? I would totally tell a friend or my daughter to celebrate all their accomplishments. Why can’t I?
My daughter is onto something though. She is proud of me. We should make space for our accomplishments. We should be proud of ourselves. This New Year’s I plan to really meditate on all I accomplished in 2018.
I will be spending the days between Christmas and New Year’s looking at where I have been, what I have done, and what I have accomplished. I use a Passion Planner, so I have a map to reflection. It is good thing too, because apparently I am overwhelmed and need a place to start. I will also be setting some goals for 2019 — professional, personal, and performance. I invite you to do the same. Write them down. Write down concrete steps to get there. Schedule the steps in your calendar. Then get yourself some cocoa, coffee, or tea.
Congratulations on all you have done in 2018! Here’s to 2019!